because you can only go so deep.

I am not an alcoholic.

No matter how much everyone thinks I am, I am not. I’m just a regular girl who enjoys to drink, who doesn’t at my age? I will admit i was an alcoholic when i was a sophmore, waking up, tripping over empty bottles of vodka, not even remembering how i got home. I took my high school exit exam drunk, & although its not something i should be proud of, i passed, unlike other of my fellow classmates who were completely sober, & took them up to our senior year in high school to pass the test. I have completely cleaned up from that stage in my life, & I do drink now, but not often enough to recall myself an alcoholic.

I still remember the 1st time I got drunk. I was in 7th grade. I remember both my mom & dad were at work, & I think I had gotten in trouble at school. We used to have a mini bar in our living room, & I got home from school & started taking a drink of every bottle my parents had until I knocked out behind the bar. My little brother, who at the time was only in 3rd grade I believe, tried waking me up. Telling me my parents had called & were already on there way. So he walked me to my room & had told my parents I was asleep.

People take , from what they have seen in the past, and almost never take from what they see in the present. I know when i have problems , & I have no problem admitting them. So stop with bullshit, & let me decide when you can call me an alcoholic.

Every Christmas, its the same routine. A couple of weeks before my mom will decorate the house, change all the dinner table utensils & replace them for Christmas related ones. All as a family go & pick out the best looking tree on the lot & bring it home & decorate it together. Rearrange furniture making sure there is enough room for the annual new years eve party we host at my house. This year, it was nothing like that at all. We havent even gotten a Christmas tree, & Christmas is about lets see 2 days away? Our house decorations were just put up about a day or two ago. It doesnt feel like christmas at all. All of our presents are just put lifeless in front of the fireplace, we have yet to light. I have no clue why the christmas depression has fallen upon us, upon everyone. & to look past the whole christmas thing, the decade, will soon be over in the next 2 weeks. Perhaps its the recession.The fact that my parents werent able to bring in the amount of money they usually bring in. Either way, the holidays are here, & wont stop for anyone.

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people you like. You can’t use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It’s a lot harder than you think! Re-post as “my life according to (band name)”

Pick your Artist: Tegan & Sara; of course. 
Sex: (m/f) : city girl
Your Name: and darling
Describe yourself: you wouldnt like me
How do you feel: i cant take it 
Describe where you currently live: living room                                                  If you could go anywhere, where would you go: the ocean 
Your favorite form of transportation: walking with a ghost.
Your best friend is: just me. 
What’s the weather like: terrible storm (there was last night)
Favorite time of day: clever meals. 
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: on directing. 
What is life to you: take me anywhere. 
Your last relationship: you went away.
Current Relationship: call it off.                                                                      Your fear: buried alive                                                                             What is the best advice you have to give: this is everything 
Favorite Hobby: time running 
Thought for the Day: where does the good go.
How I would like to die: burn your life down                                                   My soul’s present condition: relief next to me.
My motto: i wont be left

where do you go when youre in love & the world knows?

how do you live so happily, while I am sad & broken down?

lebellevie:

selena-nguyen:

sandyvagina:

Re-blog & bold which month you are :)

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds.
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.
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FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
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MARCH:
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others.
Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
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APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional.
Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
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MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong
clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift. _________________________________
JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental.
Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer .Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
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JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be
quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
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AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make
friends .
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SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive.
Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
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OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of
what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
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NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises.
High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable
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DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing
personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical